One of the best designers in town had just unveiled the Christmas-New Year window display. And there it was, the most beautiful, perfect dress in the world. Oh, I want that one! she thought. I could wear it for New Years Eve and I'd look soooo good! I wish, oh God please, let it not be more than Rs. 1500. But if I spend all my money on the dress, what shoes will I wear with it. Nothing I own matches with this beauty! And what about my hair. I need to get a hair cut and a facial done too! So, lets say, I don't get a hair-cut, that would save me some. But then ... would it be such a good idea to buy this beautiful dress and wear it with my shabby, frizzy, unmanageable hair?! And if I wear boots with it... nah.. that wont do! You cant wear boots with this evening gown kinda dress! Oh, my life is so tough...I miss the days I didn't have to think twice before spending... "may be that's why you have no money now!" Whats the deal with this voice in my head! I mean do u not like me? For once lemme stop being conscientious and just spend.. I am going to be bankrupt anyway... so why not live it up one more time?" Oh stop being such a pessimist, you talk like this is going to be your last day and then you are going to live like the dead! "You'll bounce back, you've done it before, remember when you had no money and no skills and no real useful education? From that, you went to 2 cars, the best cell-phone, designer clothes, perfumes, lingerie, exorbitant chocolates, lavish parties. Why wont you do it now? It's just a matter of time and putting in the hard work. You'll be back with a bang...!" So should I not buy this dress? But what will everyone think? I can actually hear the women whispering to each other,
"Whats with her? How can people wear the same dress as last year. I always knew, she knew nothing about fashion! Look how last year that is! That 'look' was out ages ago!"
Should I really care what those dumb, fashion victims say? I always dressed for my self...also for the society, actually... I know I will still be the best dressed. But then I guess everyone feels that way about themselves. But isn't what you think and know about yourself the most important thing? Or is it?
" Don't let what people say affect you", she said out loud.
But how can I not! Isn't it important for me to keep up my social image? should I let them know that I have no idea where the money for my next months rent will come from?... and should they know that I don't even have enough money to wrap up my business and move! But if I let people know ... what about my credibility... Who will extend credit to me if they know...I know for a fact that people want their money back!
So does that mean I should go in and buy this dress and put up that act of being rich and happy and secure? I know I wont really be happy if I buy it. The guilt will set in as soon as I pay the money. I have bills to pay...then again... I have a party to go to!
Who says money doesn't help? Is surely helps make decisions simpler! saves time! brings some happiness too.. maybe not deep satisfying happiness, the kind you get from creating something from nothing, but surely the superficial, materialistic kind of happiness... and who says that they don't want that kind of happiness? The kind you feel, when you walk back home with loads and loads of shopping bags with those huge designer labels on them? The kind of happiness you get (maybe, not right) but when you see all the women looking at your dress enviously... the kind of happiness you get when you sign your name on the debit card slip with a Cartier pen?
And just then, her cell- phone rang and she slowly moved away from that show window , promising herself that dress soon.... very soon.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Right or Wrong? Yes or No? Black or White?
Is everything as simple as that?
She woke up to the sound of her mother's groaning. "Ma, what's wrong" , she said, turning on the night light. On the bed lay a shrivelled woman; she looked up at her daughter and smiled. She still has the most dazzling smile, she thought. Even as she lay there, covered by blankets, her left side completely paralysed, there was a grace about her. A light still shone in her eyes. "Is that hope I detect in her eyes?" , thought Palak.
"Here Ma, this will help relieve you of the pain", handing her a white tablet and a glass of luke warm water from the thermos which lay permantly on her mother's right bed-side table along with an assortment of medicines and syrups.
"Lie down now and try and sleep, it's good for you", and palak settled down on a chair, her legs propped up on her mother's bed and a copy of the latest Reader's Digest. She could see herself in the mirror on the opposite wall.
She quite liked what she saw. A little bit of concealor would hide those dark circles perfectly! she thought and a sigh escaped her. She remebered back in college, her lovely long, thick black hair, which she would keep tied loosely with a clip. She had been "Miss Fresher" in college and also " The Most Likely to Succeed" when she left college armed with a degree in Public Relations.
Her first job had been with a car-sales agency and that is where she had met Raj. He was her boss there, his dad owned the showroom. He was charming, polite and not bad looking. He had helped Palak understand the policies and the procedures of the agency. He really did help me in those days, when papa had that accident, and ma was at home alone, he stayed with pa in the hospital and also donated blood, she thought. I guess he too wasnt strong enough to marry a girl with no dowry, a sick mother and a brother who just wouldnt accept any responsibiity. She knew she should get married. She wanted to. But then who will take care of ma? There was a time, she had been naive enough to believe that when she married, her husband would insist that they stayed at her place and with her mother. She knew better now. Her friends thought she should get married. "You need to think about your future. What are you going to do? You are 32 years old, with no career. Being good is one thing and being foolish another. You brother has enough money, he's married and settled, he should look after her, she's his mother too, you know!",they had said. It wasnt so simple. Her bhabhi didnt want an old woman in her house. It didnt matter to her that this old woman had brought up the father of her two beautiful children. The kids didnt want an old woman in the house to tell them what to do. It didnt matter to them that this old woman, their grandma had so lovingly every year knitted pullovers for them. Back then she could. Nothing had gone the way she had planned ... she sighed and a tear rolled down her cheek.
Palak could hear the birds outside, the sun would be out soon. She looked at her reflection in the mirror carefully "Nothing had gone the way she had planned." and she smiled.
With this thought, she got up and went to make herself a cup of coffee.
A brand new day.. with it's gorgeous shades of gray was here.
Is everything as simple as that?
She woke up to the sound of her mother's groaning. "Ma, what's wrong" , she said, turning on the night light. On the bed lay a shrivelled woman; she looked up at her daughter and smiled. She still has the most dazzling smile, she thought. Even as she lay there, covered by blankets, her left side completely paralysed, there was a grace about her. A light still shone in her eyes. "Is that hope I detect in her eyes?" , thought Palak.
"Here Ma, this will help relieve you of the pain", handing her a white tablet and a glass of luke warm water from the thermos which lay permantly on her mother's right bed-side table along with an assortment of medicines and syrups.
"Lie down now and try and sleep, it's good for you", and palak settled down on a chair, her legs propped up on her mother's bed and a copy of the latest Reader's Digest. She could see herself in the mirror on the opposite wall.
She quite liked what she saw. A little bit of concealor would hide those dark circles perfectly! she thought and a sigh escaped her. She remebered back in college, her lovely long, thick black hair, which she would keep tied loosely with a clip. She had been "Miss Fresher" in college and also " The Most Likely to Succeed" when she left college armed with a degree in Public Relations.
Her first job had been with a car-sales agency and that is where she had met Raj. He was her boss there, his dad owned the showroom. He was charming, polite and not bad looking. He had helped Palak understand the policies and the procedures of the agency. He really did help me in those days, when papa had that accident, and ma was at home alone, he stayed with pa in the hospital and also donated blood, she thought. I guess he too wasnt strong enough to marry a girl with no dowry, a sick mother and a brother who just wouldnt accept any responsibiity. She knew she should get married. She wanted to. But then who will take care of ma? There was a time, she had been naive enough to believe that when she married, her husband would insist that they stayed at her place and with her mother. She knew better now. Her friends thought she should get married. "You need to think about your future. What are you going to do? You are 32 years old, with no career. Being good is one thing and being foolish another. You brother has enough money, he's married and settled, he should look after her, she's his mother too, you know!",they had said. It wasnt so simple. Her bhabhi didnt want an old woman in her house. It didnt matter to her that this old woman had brought up the father of her two beautiful children. The kids didnt want an old woman in the house to tell them what to do. It didnt matter to them that this old woman, their grandma had so lovingly every year knitted pullovers for them. Back then she could. Nothing had gone the way she had planned ... she sighed and a tear rolled down her cheek.
Palak could hear the birds outside, the sun would be out soon. She looked at her reflection in the mirror carefully "Nothing had gone the way she had planned." and she smiled.
With this thought, she got up and went to make herself a cup of coffee.
A brand new day.. with it's gorgeous shades of gray was here.
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